


An Unusual Assignment

by Ramblingandpie



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F, Photography, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 11:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17406194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ramblingandpie/pseuds/Ramblingandpie
Summary: Written for the 2018 Mass Effect Reverse Big Bang test. Shepard has an official portrait session. Miranda and Jack come along. Will they be able to get along well enough to allow the portrait session to continue?





	An Unusual Assignment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [I_Write_Tragedies_Not_Sins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Write_Tragedies_Not_Sins/gifts).



 

“Really? A portrait session?” Jack scoffed. “The Illusive Man can’t really think that’s a priority right now, can he?”

 

Shepard closed the e-mail and shrugged. “It’s not uncommon. Most high-up military brass have an official portrait done if it looks like they might go down in history.”

 

“Well, if humanity doesn’t get destroyed, I guess you’ll probably end up in those books. Where are we going for this bullshit?”

 

“Some fancy studio on Illium.”

 

Jack’s voice dripped with sarcasm as she said, “Well, better get you to your very important mission, then.”

 

\---

 

The studio was quite a distance from the docking port, giving her companions plenty of time to bicker on the way.

 

“Okay, so not only do we have to do this bullshit assignment, but we have to bring along the damn cheerleader?”

 

“This cheerleader,” Miranda retorted, “actually has experience with this type of mission. A portrait session is slightly different than a mugshot.”

 

“Ooooh, do you think we could update my mugshot? The ones on the wanted posters don’t get my good side.” She paused for dramatic effect. “Oh, wait. I don’t have a good side.”

 

Shepard rolled her eyes. She had fallen hard for Jack, but any time that Miranda and Jack had to work together was a recipe for disaster. The two women took more time sniping at each other than at any enemies, and on this particular assignment, they didn’t even have people shooting at them as a distraction. She had no intention of leaving Jack behind on this assignment, and had chosen to not mention The Illusive Man’s specific request to bring Miranda along until it was actually time to go.

 

“Play nice, you two, or else we’ll see about getting a big family portrait done.”

 

“Right. One big happy family,” Jack said, grimacing.

 

“You do know where this place is, right?” Miranda asked as Shepard drew her map up for about the seventeenth time.

 

“Here we are,” Shepard announced. Finally something that might get the two to stop arguing.

 

The studio was an unassuming office building, with just a building number on the facade. The three walked in and over to the elevators.

 

“There it is. Twenty-second floor.” Jack leaned over and poked the up arrow.

 

“So,” she continued once they were in. “You have experience with this, huh? Daddy got family portraits every year? Or is there an official Cerberus swimsuit catalogue?”

 

“Very funny,” Miranda said. “My experience is with taking photographs. I dabbled quite a bit in my younger days, and it comes in handy for ongoing documentation and reconnaissance missions.”

 

“What role will you be taking at this shoot?” Shepard asked.

 

“I’ll just be observing and overseeing things. You’re obviously the guest of honor. We have an accomplished Salarian coordinator and his team scheduled.” She paused. “And Jack will be Jack.”

 

“Can’t be anything else,” Jack said.

 

The elevator doors opened on what looked like a typical office. The reception desk was empty, with a sign noting “By Appointment Only. No Walk-Ins. Someone will be with you shortly.”

 

“Does this look like a trap to anyone else?” Jack asked.

 

“Wouldn’t be the first time The Illusive Man sent us into one,” Shepard responded.

 

It was Miranda’s turn to roll her eyes. “It’s not a trap.”

 

Just as she finished saying that, a tall, pale Salarian walked in. “Hello hello! You must be the wonderful Jane Shepard I’ve heard so much about! I am Raedaf Beran, your coordinator for today. A pleasure.”

 

Most modern Salarians had directed their magpie-like tendencies in favor of collecting accomplishments instead of ornamentation. Raedaf clearly embraced decorations and was the most glittery, outlandishly-dressed Salarian that any of the three of them had ever seen.

 

Jack said quietly, just loudly enough for Shepard to hear, “It might be a different sort of trap, but I think it’s still a trap.” Shepard smiled.

 

“Raedaf,” Miranda said, stepping forward. “Miranda Lawson. This is Shepard and our teammate Jack.”

 

Raedaf gasped. “Oh, this is wonderful! Such beauties! But come, we must get you into makeup and hair so that we can get started.”

 

“Um. No,” Shepard responded. “I don’t really do makeup.”

 

“Nonsense. Everyone does makeup. Otherwise, the lights do terrible things.”

 

Jack laughed. “You’re in for it now, Shepard.”

 

Raedaf gesticulated wildly as he explained the course of the day while leading them through the door and down a corridor to the makeup room. Now that they were out of the foyer, they also encountered other workers, most dressed either as garishly as Raedaf or in the most nondescript, plain clothing, almost as though they were trying to just be part of the scenery.

 

Raedaf charged into an unmarked room and gestured for Shepard and Jack to follow. “Linka? Sarti! Darlings, Shepard is here for styling!”

 

A salarian and asari, both dressed in plain black, appeared as if out of nowhere. They took a quick once-over of their prey and began whispering to each other.

 

“Miranda?” Raedaf asked. “Let’s go to the set itself to get things ready. You can rest assured that Shepard and your darling beautiful friend Jack are going to be well taken care of.”

 

Jack snorted. Raedaf whipped around at her. “Not only do you display an unusually high amount of facial symmetry, but your defined jawline would leave turians jealous.” He nodded dramatically. “Own it.” He flounced out of the room before an astonished Jack could respond.

 

“No comment,” Miranda said, quietly slipping out as Jack sputtered. Shepard couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“I think this is officially the weirdest mission that we’ve been on,” Jack said, as deadpan as she could manage.

 

“And almost certainly a trap, right?” Shepard asked.

 

“And it’s about to spring!” said the asari woman cheerfully. “And don’t take anything Raedaf says personally unless you want to. He is the rare soul who finds beauty in everyone. Sit down in the chair and let Linka and I get to work.”

 

Linka was apparently the Salarian, and as Shepard sat down, he leaned in to scrutinize her face as Sarti began to comb her fingers through Shepard’s hair.

 

“Hmmmmm,” Linka began. He took a step back and tilted his head. “A challenge, for sure.”

 

“Hey, that’s my commander’s face you’re talking about,” Jack said.

 

“Oh, not meant as an insult at all,” Linka continued, and waved his hand in the air. “A technical challenge. I’m assuming you don’t want to cover up the scars, but they do interfere with the lighting if not carefully addressed. It’s your call.”

 

“The scars stay.”

 

Sarti leaned back and put her hands on her hips. “Hair definitely down, then,” she said.

 

“Thank you,” Linka replied.

 

Shepard turned to Jack. “Am I the only one who feels completely left out here?”

 

Jack smiled. “I think so. I mean. I’m pretty sure my job is just here to stand back and never let you live this down.”

 

Sarti took a deep breath. “Ok. I see it. I have the roadmap. Let’s proceed.”

 

He and Linka descended upon Shepard, scolding her when she moved her head or spoke. He kept his makeup application to a thin layer that would help balance out the light, using a deft hand to ensure that not a speck of Shepard’s actual skin was visible. He used an assortment of brushes, sponges, and other applicators, as well as at least a dozen different pots of pigments. Shepard had no idea what Linka was doing to her hair, but at least there was only a minimum of tugging on her scalp.

 

“Open your eyes very wide,” Sarti said, “and hold very still while I get your waterline.”

 

Jack hadn’t laughed so hard in a long, long time. She even let Sarti fawn over her for a bit with some of the powders.

 

\---

 

When the hair and makeup duo was finished, they stepped back to admire their work.

 

Shepard finally got a good look in the mirror. It was a strange effect. She still looked like herself, only moreso, in some odd way. Like an illustration of herself, perhaps. She pursed her lips.

 

“It looks strange in the mirror,” Sarti said, “But trust us that once the high definition camera gets involved, it evens out.”

 

Shepard sighed. “If you say so.”

 

They were hustled out of the makeup room and down the hall to the photo studio. There were three different backdrop setups.

 

“You look radiant!” Raedaf announced. “Come, come. Meet Jordan. He’ll be your photographer today.” He waved in Jordan’s direction.

 

Jordan was one of the few other humans in the place that they’d seen. He looked up from where he was speaking with Miranda, looking over a few drones together. He had long, silver hair tied back in a ponytail. Like the stylists, he was plainly dressed. He had some kind of modified omni-tool with what looked like multiple screens.

 

Miranda stayed by the monitors and Jordan walked over. “Nice to meet you,” he said. “Have you ever done anything like this before?”

 

“Never,” Shepard said.

 

“We’ll make it as painless as possible,” he replied with a smile. “Biggest misconception is that we only take a few pictures. In order to get the perfect shot, we’ll take about a thousand today.”

 

“You’re shitting me,” Jack blurted out.

 

“We take several at a time so it goes quicker than you’d think,” he said, chuckling. “Plus, I have a few drones flying around to catch different angles.”

 

As if on queue, two small holographic drones floated up behind him, seeming to wink at the women.

 

“All right,” Shepard said, grumbling. “Where do I sit? Stand? What am I even doing?”

 

He directed her in front of one of the backdrops - a plain off-white background. Several lights were aimed at the center, and the assistants manning the lights made some quick, deft adjustments.

 

“Just like that,” he said.

 

Shepard put on a smile.

 

Jack laughed. “You look like an idiot smiling like that.”

 

Shepard sighed.

 

Jordan smiled - his was a natural, easy smile that crinkled his eyes. “We’ll do a few test shots, so no worries. But I think we’ll go for a serious expression. It’s hard to smile on command if you’re not used to it.”

 

“Thank goodness,” Shepard said.

 

“I dunno,” Jack said. “You trying to smile on command is pure comedy gold right there. We could just use that to scare off the Collectors.” She stretched her mouth into a grimace-like imitation of Shepard’s smile. Both broke into laughter at her antics. Even Miranda smiled.

 

Jordan was still snapping away at his test shots, and directed a few of the lights to different areas until he was satisfied.

 

“Okay. Time to get serious, but we can still have fun with this and blow off some steam,” he said, shooting a glance at Jack. She was still making faces at Shepard from outside the frame. “Shepard, there are several exes made out of tape. Look at the green one first, please? Excellent.” He took another few shots. “And now tilt your chin slightly to the left? Your other left, please. That’s the one.”

 

He continued to guide her through different angles, staying on some for a few minutes and moving quickly from others. He kept reminding her to relax her jaw, even at one point having her scrunch up her face as tight as she could to force the muscles to unclench.

 

As it turned out, posing for official photographs was more intense than anyone thought.

 

After about 20 minutes, he announced “Ok, I think we have it. That’s a wrap on the portrait, folks.” Shepard stood up from the chair.

 

“Stay right there for a moment, please. I mean. You can stand and stretch, that’s fine, but…” he gestured to Jack to walk onto the set. “If you’re going to heckle her throughout the entire shoot, it’s only fair that you get have some of the fun.”

 

“What?” Jack protested.

 

“Oh, it’s on now,” Shepard said. She hurried off the set to where Jack was standing and physically dragged her back to the center of the light. “It was here, right?” she asked, looking at Jordan. He nodded.

 

“Say cheese!” he said, and began snapping away as Shepard physically held Jack in place.

 

“I will destroy you for this. You realize that, right?” Jack said.

 

Shepard grinned. “If you’re going to dish it out, you need to be able to take it, right? Now, c’mon, give a smile.”

 

Jack grinned with her teeth bared, a much more intense version of the earlier mocking grimace. “Happy now?” she said through her teeth. Shepard laughed.

 

“Ecstatic,” Shepard said.

 

“Okay, okay. I think we’ve tortured her enough,” Jordan said.

 

Shepard let go of the bear hug she’d been holding Jack in. “You’re free to go, ma’am,” she said, and gave a sweeping bow.

 

Jack fumed the entire rest of their time there. Sarti offered to give Shepard some makeup remover and special cloths for later, but she had them wait while it was removed. She took a deep breath once that was done.

 

On the way back to the ship, Jack finally piped up. “You put him up to it, didn’t you?” she said, turning to Miranda.

 

Miranda was silent for a few moments, clearly calculating a response. “I did.”

 

Jack stopped in her tracks. “Hold up. Shepard. I think I might need to finally kill Miranda.”

 

Shepard stopped, turned, and looked at them. Jack had a blue glow around her. Miranda stood calmly, and put her hand up. “You realize that I did it for you, right?” she said to Jack.

 

“That’s Miranda. Always giving.”

 

Miranda shook her head. “Look. I didn’t realize he was going to go quite to that extent, but I thought you’d appreciate having some pictures together. Who knows what’s going to happen through all of this, and when else are we going to have the opportunity?”

 

The aura around Jack dissipated instantly. “What?” She whirled around at Shepard. “Were you in on it, too?”

 

Shepard held up both hands. “Guilty as charged,” she said. “Miranda, you don’t have to take the fall for this one. It was my idea.” She paused, sighed, and put her hands down. “Look. It’s like she said. Who knows what’s going to happen once we find the Collector base? But at least if one of us makes it back, we’ll have something more than just memories.”

 

Jack scowled. “I’m still angry.”

 

“Understood,” Miranda said.

 

“I’m sorry,” Shepard said. “It did get a bit out of hand.” She held her hand out towards Jack. “I’ll make it up to you later. Promise.”

 

And given some time on her own to think about things, and some making up from Shepard, Jack did come to terms with the day.

 

\---

 

A small official portrait of Shepard ended up in Jack’s office at Grissom. While she didn’t keep regular office hours, she did use it as a neutral meeting ground with her students and other faculty. She wasn’t much for sharing anything sentimental. She did find that the portrait of Shepard, the model of the Normandy, and a cracked Cerberu helmets helped to remind the students of exactly who had the authority there. Whenever administrators questioned her credentials, she would stand between the portrait and the figurine, pick up the helmet, and rub her thumb along the cracks as if it was an absent minded habit.

 

And in her private quarters, she kept the actual sentimental items. They included things like dogtags of fallen comrades, a rock from Pragia, and a curious photo featuring Commander Shepard giving Jack a tight bear-hug, a laugh plastered across her face, as Jack tried to push out of the squeeze. A stranger might interpret the expression on Jack’s face as anger, but anyone who knew her well would recognize the barely-contained smile in an instant.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Lynn aka I_Write_Tragedies_Not_Sins here on AO3 for providing the artwork and the inspiration! When she said that Jack was her preferred love interest, I knew that Jack would be a great candidate for some photo-session heckling. The story grew from there.


End file.
